Parents should not mix their feelings of pride towards their children with their excessive worries. Putting your love for your children on the same level as your care and worry for them can be very dangerous because this way you are limiting your kids from developing psychologically.
The first years after it is born, a baby is completely helpless, so his mother is the one who takes care of him and provides him with attention. She manages to satisfy the baby’s needs and stimulate his development through “reading his thoughts” while the child is still unable to speak. The mother and the child are in a state of psychological symbiosis, because a mother functions like her baby, which has become a part of her. When the baby starts growing up and starts to understand the world, this symbiosis loosens so that it may, in the end lead to a desired goal – the child turning into an adult. However, one of the ways in which parents not knowingly sabotage their kid’s growth, is the excessive care they continue to have for their children when they no longer need it.
It’s very natural for parents to take care of their children when they are unable to do so. Every good parent has a purpose of getting their children ready to live on their own, among other people, so that they may ultimately learn how to take care of themselves. And when someone is capable to take care of himself, he becomes an independent grown up. But, some parents see this from a wrong perspective and they believe that independence is a bad thing which makes them unnecessary. And instead of stop worrying for their child who is already able to take care of himself and just provide him with love, they continue to express unnecessary concern for their grown up children, even when their children turn twenty, thirty or even forty years.
Mothers have a saying –while I’m alive you will always be my child. And some of these mothers can’t go to bed until their 30 year old daughter, who went to a Saturday night party doesn’t call them when she gets home, even if it’s 3AM. However, if their daughter hasn’t learned how to take care of herself, the fact that her mother is worried can’t protect her from any kind of trouble. Her worries have no positive influence at all, except confirming the love she feels, and she believes that if she wasn’t worried, she would be indifferent, which denies the love and proves that she is a bad mother.
But this behavior of not discriminating between a parent’s love and showing crippling concern is in fact a negative thing. This leads to parents feeling responsibility for their already adult children, while the children are the ones who are irresponsible. Parents who don’t stop their worries are sending two very toxic psychological messages. The first one says that their child is incapable of being independent, while the second says that this world is a very dangerous place to live in. And although, some of the “kids” can see the negativity in these messages and have very rough reactions to them, most children, more or less, accept them. And when they do accept them, it leads to a so-called syndrome of the overprotected child, which shows signs of passiveness due to the fact that he’s convinced in his own incapacity and the fear of the outside world. And this is why parents who worry too much shouldn’t fell the pride of caring.